Threads of Hope Part 2 (Questions and Answers)

I finally went to my first bible study called Threads of Hope (for those who suffered a loss of an infant). First of all I want to say that my leader, Eileen, is wonderful. She surprised me with her insite, she is obviously very experienced in meeting with women who have gone through situations similiar to my own. What I appreciated the most about our first meeting was her ability to ask the "right" questions. Not only did my answers help her to see where I was at with my grief but they also revealed to me a little about what I need. Here are some of her questions and parts of my answers:

1. Did you hold your baby?
Yes, we both did.
How did it make you feel?
Are you glad that you did?
Definitly. I'm so thankful that we didn't give up our one chance to hold her in this lifetime.

2. Have you held any newborns since then and how did you feel?
Yes, I have held both my friend's baby and my neice. I've held my friend Sarah's baby several times and feel different each time. Most of the time I just feel helpful and thankful that I get to enjoy a baby for a short while but other times its a painful reminder of what I lost and that statically most women will carry their babies to term and have a baby to bring home at the end. When I held my neice it made me sad that she wouldn't grow up with my baby, that they wouldn't be these great cousin-friends. That doesn't mean that I think I should stop holding babies, it just means that it makes me sad (but going to Wal-mart makes me sad so why shouldn't a baby???).

3. Have you had many days that you don't want to get out of bed?
Sure, but that feeling doesn't last long. I wake up everyday and am reminded of what happened. But staying in bed only makes me more depressed and it also makes my 5 year old very impatient.

4. Do you have days that you just want to stay home?
Sure, I hid out for a good month, up until we took our trip to Florida. There are a lot less painful reminders at home- no baby sections, pregnant women or women five years younger than me with 4 kids. But most days I'm up for "risking it" rather than staying home all day. Actually, our van is in the shop this week (maybe the fuel pump is what Jake says) so we've been jungling one car this week. I found myself feeling frustrated not relieved to have an excuse to stay home.

5. Do people ask too many questions?
No! They don't ask enough. This really happened to me, this huge tragic thing. Its my story and I want to share it. I want to share my journey through it. Its helpful and healing to me. Its frustrating when I know people are scared to ask and I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable so instead, nothing is said.

6. If you get pregnant again will you be a nervous wreck the whole time?
Ummm, YES! I'm scared to even think about it. I was a nervous wreck with Norah so I'm sure it would be amplified.


Cheryl said...

I'm sorry if I am one who doesn't ask. The pain is still too real for me too. My mind and heart think of Norah often and what could have been. I love you and I worry about you constantly. Don't be afraid to say what you did to to me - I'm here to listen and cry with you if that's what you need.

Cheryl said...

Oops, typo. I meant don't be afaid to say what needs to be said to me. Does that sound better. Love you, Mom

a moore said...

oh Jenn, I wish I could do more than cry with you across a thousand miles. Know that I just constantly keep you in prayer and how much I hurt for you. I do wish I could take this away from you, the hurt and the pain.

beegracious said...

I am so grateful that you are already educating us on how to be more sensitive to people who have experienced this kind of loss. Your pain makes me hurt too.

jen said...

if you want to talk, you can call me. i'm sorry i don't ask enough questions. i love you.

Sara said...

Good to hear about your experience. Still praying for you a lot!