Completely Unconclusive

My doctor called this week with the results of my final round of tests. The good news is that I do not have a scary disease. The bad news is that they didn't find anything, not even a little disease like I was hoping for. Something easily curable that had obviously caused the unthinkable to happen would be nice. But they, of course, found nothing.

He also shared that he had only see this happen (I assume that he met premature rupture of membranes that results in infant death) 3 other times since he has been practicing here in town which I think he said was 5 or 6 years. For some reason I think if he had said "this happens more often than you think" I would be comforted by that somehow. But instead I've spent the last 24 hours feeling more frustrated than sad or depressed. Medical professionals have found no reason why this happened, and therefore they don't know if it will happen again or if it was related to our infertility or infertility treatment. It could have just happened and be related to nothing. It could have been caused by some infection that hasn't revealed what it was or where it came from.

I think my frustration is justified. The little girl we dreamed about was taken from me, I feel robbed and no one can tell me why or if it will happen again! I think I need to go back to Florida where I'm surrounded my AARP members (not pregnant women and those with many small children)and sunshine! And to top off my frustation a nurse prac from the infertility specialist's office is suppose to call today to give their input and I left my phone in my friend's bathroom...