Disappointment

Sometimes you daydream about parts of your life that you would like to improve. You might dream about a mate, a bigger house, an expensive vacation, or a better job.

I, of course, daydream about getting a baby. In my daydream I either find out that I'm already five months pregnant or someone, out of the blue of course, just offers to give us a baby.

The crazy thing is that the later almost happened (sort of). Two babies actually.

We had met on Monday with adoption agency #3. We had took a recommendation from a friend (we appreciate ALL of the recommendations that we have gotten) that this was a good program and went to hear more about it and get to know the social worker.

After outlining the program, answering our questions and talking about fees she asked us if our friend mentioned any specific children that were up for adoption. We said that yes, she had said that there were twins that needed adoptive parents.

The next (which is the same as the last) 24 hours were dreamlike. The social worker said that although we didn’t have any paper work in or a completed home study that if we got a portfolio together by the morning, she would show it to the birthmother. And she only had one other portfolio left to show her, which she felt it was likely that the birthmom would choose us over the other couple.

We just couldn’t make a decision last night. Not in one night. It was just too big. We decided to sleep on it and see what happened- maybe she wouldn’t pick the other couple and we would have time to put something together and think a little longer.

We were bought some time, so we thought. The birthmother ended up going to the hospital and although she was fine, she missed the meeting with the social worker. The social worker said that she would not meet again with her until Monday which left us to think we had until then to put a portfolio together (and decide if this is what we really wanted to do).

After making a few calls today to the social worker and insurance we had decided that we should at least “turn our names in” by putting together a portfolio with pictures and a letter about us. My girls in my small group helped me get a plan together tonight.

But we returned home from small group to find an e-mail from the social worker stating that the birthmother picked a couple from a portfolio that she had seen last week, a couple that she had said that she wasn’t going to pick.

We’re feeling a little disappointed right now, maybe a little relief, and are trying to get a little more excited about doing invitro again (which we would have pulled out of if the birthmom had picked us). I guess we’re back to where we started 24 hours ago, it was so crazy that its hard for me to believe that it actually happened, or COULD have happened.